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The Pool

The moderately wealthy enjoy installing pools into their backyards. Well, when I’m filthy rich I want to install a pull and a jacuzzi in my backyard.

Filled with whatever I want.

Obviously the go to is pudding (a mix of tapioka and chocolate) but I think a pool filled with the fresh dough they use to make bread/pizza would feel good all over my body, too.

It’s going to take a pretty expensive filtering system and, also, a long time to ever actually happen. Today, I bring you what would be the fruitions of a person focused on making money– not friends.

Pool filled with Pudding
Estimated daily cost: $350,000
Estimated pleasure: High

Pool filled with Dough
Estimated daily cost: $750,000
Estimated pleasure: High

Pool filled with Rubbing Alcohol
Estimated daily cost: $100,000
Estimated pleasure: Low, but fun to watch

Having a pool really stews my creative juices. I’ve found that I do my best writing underwater. So a pool will help me actualize a workplace where I can focus. Writing underwater is great too because whenever people try to talk to me underwater they sound like like they’re drowning– and that’s as close as I’ll ever get to true nirvana.

Pool filled with Diet Coke
Estimated daily cost: $100,000
Estimated pleasure: High to low. Oh the highs. Oh the lows. So high. So low.

Most people suggest not drinking pool water. Don’t drink from Diet Coke pool, either; you can taste the schizophrenia.

Pool filled with Glue
Estimated daily cost: Worth it
Estimated pleasure: Highest

A pool filled with glue means a pool’s worth of horses died. It may not be fun to swim in every day but the real fun is the journey, not the destination. Although, metaphorically, I think all the dead horses make a great destination.