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When dear American citizens confide in me– either in person or through my Facebook feed– that anybody would be a better President than “Barack Obama”, I let them in on a secret of mine: I’m voting for Casey Anthony in November too.

If voting is such a big deal– if you hold it as something you truly think everybody should be doing– should you really be saying things like “anybody, and ANYBODY would be a better President than Barack Obama”? If you truly believe this then why don’t you throw your vote to me? Write my name in.

If I’m elected as President of the United States I’ll make sure everybody’s dick is getting sucked. Hell, I’ll suck anyone and everyone’s dick that votes for me. I don’t even like sucking dick but if you put me in charge of the free world I want to prove to everybody that I can keep a promise– and dutifully so. That’s important these days.

My therapist calls this “gay-daydreaming”.