I don’t know if I’m just really hungry right now or if I’m actually going to die where I’m sitting. God, what if my body is just really confused and I’m actually incredibly horny? I should probably still get some food.

Rollerbladers can’t swim well.

You’re going to see this on the news. Soon.

Hey, that was another joke about being a serial murderer who focuses on drowning rollerbladers. Again, it was a joke — it’s not that I’m murdering the fruitbooters– I’m helping the fruitbooters.

I help them find themselves kicking and screaming to their watery doom. And I help them see that kicking with rollerblades underwater and screaming underwater can be a very dangerous combination.

That was a joke, too. Sorry. Sometimes I mix up my confession notebook with my joke notebook during the transcription process. Lets get back to making fun of people.

Either Elijah Wood is sitting in this coffee shop or a very unfortunate looking person is sitting in this coffee shop.

The future can suck my dick. And I truly believe that because the future is gonna be great.

Caught myself thinking about how much happier I would be if I was gay. Does that make me gay? I catch myself doing this, like, twice an hour. It’s starting to feel like work.